Drive

All of a sudden, I started feeling OK about the things that worried me. All of a sudden, I wasn't really concerned.

After CJ and I drove to Ellensburg though, I started feeling more andmore confused about everything--school, family, being in the US, CJ, RF, living in North Bend...you name it, I was confused about it. I finally decided to go for a drive and I let CJ and RF know that I might disappear for the weekend. I threw some clothes and a sleeping bag in the back seat and started driving west.

I drove to the coast and then south. I wanted to get away from everything and everyone; I wanted to drive and be swallowed by the landscape. Night caught up with me somewhere in Oregon, and after I was too tired to keep driving, RF called me to talk.

I felt calmer, less confused. And as we were talking, I started feeling homesick. I have always felt homesick, but I've rarely been able to point that feeling to a specific place—in the back of my head, I'm always homesick for a place that doesn't exist. This time though, I knew where I wanted to be—I wanted to go back to North Bend. I wanted to see CJ, I wanted to look out the window and see the bluebird on our grass. I wanted to be able to talk to RF in person and to play with the cat. So, much to RF's amusement, I got back on the road and drove home.