Up next: Orencia (part 2)

I don't know why I'm so freaked out about this, but I am. I guess because of the way it came about. Yes, I know I'm lucky to have a supportive husband, and insurance, and a good job, and all that. I really do know this. I'm still freaked out, which puts me in a cranky mood.

So, for the gory details. My infusion takes place tomorrow, over a couple of hours. Tonight, I'm supposed to take four times my usual prednisone dose; this will make it so I can't sleep, so I'm taking the day off tomorrow. Once at the hospital, they'll give me yet another dose of steroids, and then the medication itself, intravenously. This is the part that takes a couple of hours.

When I used to go in for Remicade, I'd bring my husband's laptop (I didn't have one of my own at the time) and watch a movie. My laptop right now is sort of huge, though, so I don't know if I'd be able to hold it long enough to watch anything. Also, I may be too exhausted; it wouldn't be too bad to just sleep through the whole thing.

I'm worried about having an allergic reaction. This is what happened with the Remicade; I was doing great on it, and then, out of nowhere, I had an allergic reaction--couldn't breathe. So that was that. If this happens again, there is, I think, one other alternative, and then we may be out of options again, until someone comes up with a new drug.

I want to be able to not have to carefully weigh the pros and cons of having a drink, because walking to the bathroom (not to mention sitting), is such terrible pain.

It seems stupid to have my husband come sit with me for hours just because I'm freaked out. I can't in good conscience ask him to just hang around and twiddle his thumbs for the whole day. Either this thing will work or it won't; either I'll have a reaction to it or I won't; there's nothing that his being there will change, I guess.

The drug itself is pretty scary--"it works by blocking the activity of T-cells". I suppose that's no scarier than anything else that screws with your immune system, but still, it's odd to have your doctor recommend this--my gut reaction was, "T-cells? Don't I, you know, need those? *flashbacks to Pedro going over his T-cell count in The Real World*" Of course, my last drug was TNF inhibitor--and I mean, why would you possibly need the stuff that fights tumors in your body.

Side effects are the usual: infections, increased cancer risk, etc etc.

I've spent long enough on this for now; we'll see how stuff goes tomorrow.