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Since Mr. McCain appears to think that all it will take to sway female voters is a vagina on the ticket, may I suggest an alternative pick for the VP spot: this delicious vagina cake [NSFW] from The Erotic Bakery [NSFW] in Seattle.
The McCain/Cake ticket would offer voters:
- A chance to steal the Democrat's new focus on Western issues, since Ms. Cake is from Washington state
- An in with the traditionally liberal-leaning Pacific Northwest
- An opportunity to reach out to gamers, with whom Cake is already extremely popular
- A chance to tap into the power of internet users, with whom Vagina is even more popular
- Since Ms. Cake has no past to speak of, this allows the McCain campaign to keep its current vetting process in place, giving them the freedom to focus on more important issues, like reminding everyone all the time that McCain was a POW.
Additionally, Ms. Cake offers the following advantages over the current pick:
- No offspring born under bizarre circumstances
- No unwed pregnant Cakelets necessitating shotgun weddings in the national spotlight
- No other familial skeletons in the closet
- No former association with any parties advocating secession
- No past abuses of power or ethics issues
- No prior relationship with lobbyists or disgraced politicians
- No history of courting earmarks
- More domestic and foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin
Sure, Ms. Cake may not know how to field-dress a moose, but I believe the American public would be willing to overlook this shortcoming, even though it's a crucial part of the Vice Presidential duties, because, as Joe Lieberman reminds us, these are no ordinary times. And Vagina Cake is no ordinary VP pick.
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