She's dead. My sister called and left a message saying she had something important to say. I wouldn't really have wanted her to just leave a message about it. I called my family. It rang busy. I left a crying, slobbering message. No one called back. A couple of days later, I saw an announcement sent by email by my dad. "Announcement"--worded formally and meant for friends and acquaintances. I don't check my email very often anymore because of all the spam. I spoke to my sister again later that night and she gave me a little more detail. She suggested I call my mom again, since sometimes their phone rings busy when it's not and it's not very reliable about messages. I called my mom again and was able to speak to her. She had tried calling my cellphone. I wasn't angry about it then, but now, thinking back, I feel furious. It was her mother, so I didn't expect her to be making phone calls, etc. But it's not as if she's the only person in the family. Yes, I realize it's selfish and I do feel low and petty and bad about it. But goddammit. I haven't had that cell phone for two years. How many times have I given them my number, how many guilt-trips over 'please give us a way to contact you,' how many times have I explained that my home number is the only number I have anymore? And for what? Whenever something important happens, everyone gets confused or forgets or fuck if I know what and no one calls. My sister is the only one with enough presence of mind to actually write down my number. My dad couldn't even bother to send me a quick separate note by email.