The trick is to keep breathing.

My mom, perhaps by coincidence, perhaps in a fit of clairvoyance, left a box of kleenex next to my bed.

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I finally went to the Dr. about my rusty joints. They drew blood, I chatted up the lab guy (I'm trying to make myself talk to people; I spoke to a woman as we waited in line at the store the other day and my head almost exploded), and called me a few days later to tell me they think I have some sort of arthritis and give me a referral. Doh. This was one of the reasons I didn't want to go to the Dr. in the first place (the other being that I was hoping it'd kill me before finals), and now I'm having a hell of a time getting myself to make the appointment.

Meanwhile, I've started sleeping in my bed. I can't climb up the ladder, so I snuck one of the chairs from downstairs up into my room and put it against the wall by the ladder. So then, every night I stand on the chair and drag myself up into the bed, and every morning I slide myself back down onto the chair. The first morning after sleeping there I couldn't get out; it took about an hour of cursing and wiggling and bending limbs. It wasn't nearly as amusing then as it is now (as it is with most things, of course--Captain Obvious to the rescue). I haven't had major problems since, though, and I'm getting pretty good at getting in and out. Heh.

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I've been trying to keep busy. I've seen two 'chick flicks' within the past week, God forgive me (how good or bad they actually were isn't important--it's the seeing part that's bad). It annoys me that I'm expected to like brainless, touchy-feely mush (which is not to say all 'chick flicks' are brainless mush, etc. etc., standards disclaimers apply) just because I'm female. In dumb 'girl' movies, people die, cry a lot, and bond to the oldies. In dumb 'guy' movies, at least stuff blows up.

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I felt lonely last night, so I stayed up late. I'm staying up late tonight, because that way I can feel lousy longer, and then be annoyed at myself for staying up, and then also feel crappy tomorrow morning.

I've done things today that I didn't want to do because I thought they were what I needed to do to make things better for myself. It's four in the morning.

It's four in the morning and I doubt my judgement.