[09:07] Spleen: in celebration of my impending success, i'm listening to 60's synth art-rock interpretations of modern classical pieces.
[09:08] Sporks: dammit.

[12:47] Spleen: i'm going to celebrate my victory over faxing software by listening to Iron Maiden. fyi.

Puppet safety concerns

Someone posted this on a board between the men's and women's bathrooms at work. It's probably a joke, but I hope it's serious--it's so much funnier if it is.

In case my phone picture is too blurry, it says:

"As a result of last week's incident, and due to growing safety concerns, puppets will no longer be allowed in the break area or bathrooms.

Thank you for your cooperation."

Quick RA update

So I have this whole long thing about my adventures in Oncology, but I can't seem to buckle down and actually write it. For the time being, I'll let you guys know that I'm doing ok; I think the Orencia is working. It's a little disconcerting because my doctor is out of the country for the rest of the month. So far so good, though. More later.

Up next: Orencia (part 2)

I don't know why I'm so freaked out about this, but I am. I guess because of the way it came about. Yes, I know I'm lucky to have a supportive husband, and insurance, and a good job, and all that. I really do know this. I'm still freaked out, which puts me in a cranky mood.

So, for the gory details. My infusion takes place tomorrow, over a couple of hours. Tonight, I'm supposed to take four times my usual prednisone dose; this will make it so I can't sleep, so I'm taking the day off tomorrow. Once at the hospital, they'll give me yet another dose of steroids, and then the medication itself, intravenously. This is the part that takes a couple of hours.

When I used to go in for Remicade, I'd bring my husband's laptop (I didn't have one of my own at the time) and watch a movie. My laptop right now is sort of huge, though, so I don't know if I'd be able to hold it long enough to watch anything. Also, I may be too exhausted; it wouldn't be too bad to just sleep through the whole thing.

I'm worried about having an allergic reaction. This is what happened with the Remicade; I was doing great on it, and then, out of nowhere, I had an allergic reaction--couldn't breathe. So that was that. If this happens again, there is, I think, one other alternative, and then we may be out of options again, until someone comes up with a new drug.

I want to be able to not have to carefully weigh the pros and cons of having a drink, because walking to the bathroom (not to mention sitting), is such terrible pain.

It seems stupid to have my husband come sit with me for hours just because I'm freaked out. I can't in good conscience ask him to just hang around and twiddle his thumbs for the whole day. Either this thing will work or it won't; either I'll have a reaction to it or I won't; there's nothing that his being there will change, I guess.

The drug itself is pretty scary--"it works by blocking the activity of T-cells". I suppose that's no scarier than anything else that screws with your immune system, but still, it's odd to have your doctor recommend this--my gut reaction was, "T-cells? Don't I, you know, need those? *flashbacks to Pedro going over his T-cell count in The Real World*" Of course, my last drug was TNF inhibitor--and I mean, why would you possibly need the stuff that fights tumors in your body.

Side effects are the usual: infections, increased cancer risk, etc etc.

I've spent long enough on this for now; we'll see how stuff goes tomorrow.

Up next: Orencia

So, I have been avoiding the topic as much as I can, but it's arthritis time. I've been in a pretty bad flare for the past month-plus. I don't have the energy to go into detail about all of that--you can browse through the archives if you're curious as to what that's like.

I've also been waiting to get approved for a new treatment. First, my doctor's office took their sweet time to get the approval process going. Apparently there is one single person in the whole rheumatology operation at my hospital who is capable of doing this. And she was out of the office for a few weeks, so it took about a month just to get this going; after she came back, I had to chase her down because no one was calling me (as promised), and then had some trouble getting my calls returned (I can only imagine how swamped she was if she's the only person handling this type of thing), which added another two weeks or so.

On Thursday, I had to leave work early because the pain was so bad. On Friday, I was barely able to walk in the morning, and spent most of the day laying in bed. Apparently some time Thursday afternoon, the Girl From Rheumatology (sounds like "Girl From Ipanema" in my head) called letting me know that I'd been approved and the OIC (Oncology and Infusion Center) would be calling me to make an appointment. OIC called twice on Friday, of course, and I didn't even notice it, what with being in a pain-induced haze most of the day--not that I'd be able to do anything about it, since I couldn't hold a phone or dial during business hours.

I returned their call today morning, and got bitched at for not answering.

You'd think that people dealing with patients suffering from cancer and other diseases disruptive enough that require, you know, poison to be pumped directly into their veins in order to function would be a little more understanding.

I would like to take this moment to deeply and sincerely apologize to every receptionist whose appointment-scheduling has been ever-so-slightly disrupted by my inability to overcome the agonizing pain that keeps me pinned to the bed so I can sprightly hop on over to the phone and answer by the second ring. I have been truly selfish and thoughtless.

After sheepishly taking my well-deserved talking-to by the OIC Star Scheduler, she informed me that since I hadn't called them back until today--and really, this is my fault, I should've had the oversight to add more business days in between Friday and Monday--, she had gone ahead and scheduled me for an infusion. On the eleventh. That is, the day after tomorrow.

I'm lucky enough to have understanding bosses and to work for a fairly nice company. I shudder to think of what happens to the other poor bastards with this disease when they suddenly have to block out three to four hours in the middle of the week in the middle of a workday on two days' notice.

One last, additional problem with this whole thing: this week, of all times, my rheumatologist is out on vacation. She had mentioned she wanted me to dose up on prednisone before the infusion, but I don't have the exact dose or instructions. OIC was unable to provide me with any special instructions from my doc; her office is consulting the on-call doctor. Additionally, there may be other stuff (more meds plus observation), since I had a nasty allergic reaction to an infusion in the past. Hopefully she wrote this down some place accessible to the other people in her office.

I'm pretty freaked out and not too happy at this point. Will write more later about the medication itself and some of the things that are freaking me out about that.

KUOW was reporting this morning that the man who shot a UW staff member was a British citizen in the country illegally.

Clearly, we must build a fence on the Atlantic.

Update time--
Glasses: the trapezoidification issue got a little better, but not much. I was being lazy about scheduling an appointment to get them fixed, but then yesterday morning my dogs decided to help me out by chewing my glassses up and breaking one of the lenses.

Cold: holy crap, I was sick with this BS for two weeks. Felt like death by the end, but I've been better this week, though I'm still sniffly from time to time. It's always a little stressful when I get sick every winter, because my immune system is not really up to par.

WoW: we've started poking our heads into Karazhan, which is fun. We're still hashing out guild/class numbers (hey look! we're recruiting!), but I'm looking forward to doing more stuff once we get this more settled down. And I'd just like to take this time to add my voice to the giant "WTF, Blizzard" being echoed by raiders everywhere.

This is the part where you non-WoWers can start to not care:

1) Lrn2math: before the expansion, WoW raids were 40- or 20-man affairs. After the expansion, new raids are 25-man. There is also one 10-man instance (Karazhan). You do the math. This is a nightmare for guild management. Also, Karazhan is where most guilds will spend the bulk of their time, because...

2) there is no "introductory" 25-man content. The two raids that were supposed to be entry-level content, are so unappealing and difficult that even the hardcore guilds (and I mean here, "average" hardcore, as opposed to guilds going for world-firsts, etc.) are either having trouble with them or have little incentive to even try them, because...

3) the risk vs. reward ratio is out of whack. You need massive consumables to beat fights that may have a large luck component, and the drops you get from these fights don't help you get away from the massive consumable use the next time you come back to fight the same guy.

Here's hoping that some of this gets fixed by the time we get there.

I'm sick!

But for once it's not the arthritis. I've got a nasty cold or flu or something that's making it feel like my brains have liquefied and are trying to come out my nose. It's all very bad. It's been about a week and finally I'm starting to feel better.

In other news, I finally got my glasses replaced, and since it's been so long since I wore them (and the prescription changed a little bit), everything looks off. I feel taller, and my monitor looks like /___\ instead of |___|. According to the people at my optometrist's office, it should wear off somewhere in between a few hours and a day or two, but until then, the monitor thing is driving me bonkers and making it pretty hard to work. Also, my husband amuses himself by pretending he's shorter or taller than he really is to try to trip me up.

Communication

The secret to a good marriage: communication.

[10:53] Sporks: I miss being able to drive myself places <<=(
[10:54] Sporks: I hate having to make you go everywhere with me
[10:55] MrSporks: <:(
[10:55] Sporks: it's not that I don't want your company but I hate not being able to
[10:55] MrSporks: i understand
[10:55] MrSporks: you think i'm fat.
[10:55] Sporks: exactly.

15:26 <Syd> I need to invent a heated hose, teach me how to mix electricity and water

And another thing...

A company we do business with is taking people in my office bowling.

Things You Do When You Go Bowling That I Can't Do:

• Tie shoes
• Hold a bowling ball (that is, I can't support the weight)
• Put fingers in bowling ball/grip bowling ball
• Swing arms beyond normal walking
• Walk at moderate-to-fast speed
• Bend down
• Push ball
• Sit on hard plastic chairs for any length of time
• Drink beer

In short, I'm not going.

In unrelated but more upbeat news, I finally got around to ordering Hagalo Usted Mismo. I can't wait to get it--it's coming overnight, but it's the weekend. Every time I hear a song from it on Pandora, I beat myself for taking so long to order it.

I feel like garbage. I'll try to keep the health stuff to a minimum, though. I may be starting a new RA treatment soon, since the Humira failed to do, well, anything. I'm also having a lot of trouble remembering to take my meds, which is unusual for me.

So, since I'm trying to make myself, you know, write stuff, and don't want to talk about feeling like garbage, WoW update time. I hit 70 last week; people are still sending me "grats" messages, and it always surprises me because it feels like it happened a long time ago. I've been working on getting various attunements/keys, because I'm going a little loopy from lack of raiding. I'm not having much luck getting into 5-man groups, though, which is discouraging. I'm a good rogue, but rogues have certain PvE issues which don't make them really desirable for 5-mans.

For starters: we take a lot of damage. We can't do damage from range, so we get smacked with all kinds of AoE attacks (both physical and magical), and our armor is only leather. We require a lot of healing. Also, on fights that require kiting a boss, it can be tricky to get enough face time with the mob to contribute significant DPS.

Our crowd control, sap, is currently the most reliable CC in the game--Blizzard removed the heartbeat resists, so it lasts the full duration. However, you can only apply it once, because it can only be applied from stealth and while a mob is not in combat. And for some reason, Blizzard has decided to start including packs of mobs that are already engaged in combat, thus rendering them unsappable. Not just one or two mobs in a pack, but the full pack--I shudder to think what these guys will do, un-CC-d, in heroic mode.

There are other significant issues for rogues in the expansion, but others have already covered them well and in detail, and nothing has come of it.

And last but not least--Blizzard's LFG interface is just bad. You can only look for groups for instances your level (so no going farming on an alt while monitoring LFG); you can only look for 3 groups at a time; you can't look while in a group (so if I decide to go run some lowbie friends through something to pass the time, it drops me); and last, but not least--so few people use it, you may see one or two people looking for an instance at any time. People find groups through a mishmosh of adhoc channels, general in-city chat, friends/guild lists instead.

Resolutions schmesolutions

I know, long time no post. It occurs to me that I have a lot of random stuff to comment on/write about, but I'm not sure what I want to become of this thing.

I've been keeping an online journal of sorts for about six years now, and it's gotten to the point where I've started worrying about what people reading it would think. My original intent was to be more open and it was important to me to be honest with what I was thinking, but now I worry. Do I want to move to be more anonymous (moving here off deadletter was a step in that direction), so that employers, etc., can't see this, or go the complete opposite, go back to my original intent, and stop trying to hide. I'm not sure yet.

For the time being, some updates of the prosaic: I have a job I like, for the most part. I work with my husband (same place, near each other, but not on the same team). My arthritis has been pretty bad the past few months. My family's been having some financial problems so I've been funneling my money to them. I've been pretty up and down in the depression front. Still living north of Seattle. My entertainment of choice is still WoW. I miss speaking Spanish sometimes--not any Spanish, mind you, but the butchered and funny Chilean Spanish.

I'm going to try to post a little more often while I figure out what to do about this thing--writing something will hopefully help me get out of my own head some.

In which she tries to avoid the usual, and fails miserably.

I always lived largely inside my head--my body was just an afterthought and largely unimportant. It seems ironic that I should spend the rest of my life being reminded of my body's existence with the constant dull ache of arthritis.

I mentioned on IRC the other day that I have arthritis, and one guy asked, "so what, you won't be able to use your arms and legs by the time you're 40?"

I told him I hoped I'd be dead before it caught up with me.

The arthritis has actually not been too bad lately; I can walk and use my hands, for the most part. If I stop and take inventory of my body, though, I can't find a spot that doesn't hurt. I'm exhausted. I don't get any rest when I sleep.

Emotionally I'm just as numb and achy. I teeter between despair and anger, but I still manage to be emotionally unavailable and distant. I genuinely don't understand why people like me. "Self-destructive gasoline"--that's me.

Feeling Gravity's Pull

I feel so vulnerable lately. I take everything so seriously; I am unsure of my judgment--I second- and triple-guess myself on everything. I can't tell if people are joking or being serious. Or rather, I can tell, but I don't trust what I think. I am in disarray.

Maybe it's the change in the seasons, the sun setting earlier--and I'm always so cold lately, a chill spreading from inside.

Sadpants.

I think I finally figured out why the death of Steve Irwin makes me sad. Normally, when some famous person dies, I feel bad for their family, etc., but I don't feel personally sad--not the case this time. I think the reason is that he was so goofy, and I can relate to that.

Goats!

Seattle City Light is bringing goats in to manage blackberries, etc. I like picturing this as an army of Seattle City Light-helmeted goats. Some of them wear bright orange vests in this mental picture.

WoW patch 1.12, or: "SANDLOL VANISHLOL ROUGESLOL"

So, for those of you who don't already know, I play WoW, mostly on Malygos. My main is a rogue, but I have a 60 warlock as well, a bunch of other rogues of various levels scattered through other servers because I'm a glutton for punishment, etc. Anyway, today is patch day. This patch was about two major things: PvP and rogue changes. I mean, there are bug fixes, but these were the two big things. The rogue review was a disappointment for me, but I won't make a long post out of that, since so many other people have made excellent posts on the forums about it and been completely ignored.
These are the highlights of the patch for me:

- One of the world PvP things they added takes place in the desert and consists of people gathering...sand...in the desert. I realize a lot of the aspects of any game are silly when you look at them, but this one just completely breaks down any suspension of disbelief for me and sends me into fits of giggling.
- Rogue review: I get to pay extra money to train up my skills to respec in the exact same spec that I had pre-review
- Vanish: still broken
- Gouge is once again causing poison to proc (gouge is a move that incapacitates your opponent and breaks if the opponent takes any damage; poisons, of course, do damage, so gouge is breaking itself)

But, I do sort of like patch day, because it guarantees a lot of funny stuff. Well, not funny for the people who are trying to play, but funny to me. Here are my favorite bugs in this patch from the Blizzard known issues list:

- Players are unable to eat or drink in an entire zone, Eastern Plaguelands (eating and drinking is used to regain health/mana)
- Players can get stuck in Alterac Valley (PvP zone) if buffed with warcry
- Druids' 6-piece bonus from a certain set causes them to stand up (??)
- Mages using Blink while in lava get teleported to the deepest spot
- Paladins summoning their mount causes them to enter combat (I'm not sure if this means their summoning gets interrupted as well, effectively forcing all paladins into being pedestrians)
- Paladins summoning their mount causes them to aggro guards in neutral towns
- Warrior: whirlwind increases weapon skill when not attacking mobs

Cross-server battleground bugs deserve their own paragraph. This patch, Blizzard made it so you can PvP agains people in other servers in the battleground areas. Anyone with an ounce of sense could see that this might be hard to implement and cause a lot of bugs...and I realize, there is no way to QA everything beforehand, but some of these things are pretty obvious--like everyone is rushing to try the new thing and BGs getting overwhelmed. Though I suppose there's not much that could be done about that specifically short of upgrading hardware just for the initial rush, which is dumb. But anyway--so far, reported bugs include:

- Unable to enter BG with "instance does not exist" message
- Unable to exit BG after winning (might happen under other conditions too...not sure)
- People getting flagged and not actually entering the BG--I supposed this could be a side effect of the "unable to enter" thing
- Entire groups being kicked out of matches due to "not enough players" and everyone getting the deserter debuff (this makes it so you can't queue up again for 15 minutes)--so for example, a game that takes a max of 10 players per side, you'll have both teams at the full 10 players, and people get kicked out with the "not enough players" message

But, not to be completely negative--here are my two favorite bug fixes in this patch:

- Invisible houses (official Blizzard text: "There are areas with invisible houses")
- The sound bug! This is one of the most annoying and long-lasting bugs in the game--it's not game-breaking, but holy crap does it get old. If you Alt-Tab out of WoW in Windows (not sure about other OS), when you come back, the music volume shoots up.

If the sound bug is actually fixed in the patch, I may have to call it good and consider this the Best Patch Ever, in spite of everything else.

I think it was the pepper shaker that broke the camel's back

Ok, here is something I don't understand: the fascination with fondue. A while ago we went to this fondue place in Queen Anne (I think it was my mother-in-law's pick). The whole schtick with The Melting Pot is that it's all fondue, all the time.

This is a place for people who think dipping stuff is fancy.

The booth-style seating comes with a built-in electric hot plate thing in the middle of the table--that is to say, a flat, round piece of metal that heats up, not a hot plate as a college student might use to cook meals in a dorm; the waiter/waitress makes a big show of, you know, flipping the switch, and then places a pot of some sort on it. This is apparently supposed to make you ooh and aah as if you'd never had a hot plate brought to your table when ordering fajitas at a Mexican place, or one of the many hot plate dishes availabe in Chinese restaurants. So, ok, waiter brings you the chunks of food you will be dipping, flips on switch, places some liquid in pot, and adds course-appropriate meltables to pot--these may be cheeses for appetizers, or chocolates for desserts, or cheeses and broths for main course, or cheeses and beer for main course, or dessert cheeses for dessert--because let's face it, the repertoire of things that are melt- and dip-friendly is somewhat limited. Waiter stirs. Waiter leaves. Repeat this for each course.

For our main course, the dipping stuff consisted of a beer base, butter, some cheeses, and spices. Since the place makes a big show of setting stuff up at the table (see: fancy switch-flipping above), I expected at least decent spices; but no, the waiter just picked up this generic seasoning powder (like the stuff you might find at Red Robin), and dumped some in. Same with the pepper--this place didn't even have the decency to have actual pepper grinders--the waiter just grabbed the pre-ground pepper shaker, unscrewed the cap, and put a dash in the pot.

This made me sad.

Don't get me wrong, the food wasn't bad--it just wasn't worth the prices, and definitely not the hype.