The foreign policy issue

Since the McCain campaign has not yet heeded my call for a McCain/Cake ticket for 2008, I thought I would propose yet another alternative: McCain/Me. After seeing the Facebook group "I have more Foreign Policy Experience than Sarah Palin" grow to thirty-five thousand strong, I find that I can no longer stand on the sidelines while the GOP's choice is smeared. It is time for me to throw my hat in the ring.

Following the stringent standards used the Republican Party and Sarah Palin's own spokeswoman in this Washington Post piece, I give you the Sporks Foreign Policy Resume Highlights:

• Lived in over ten cities in three (3) different countries
• Have visited five (5) additional countries, and many other states within the US
• Have eaten food from over THIRTY (30) different countries, as well as fusion cuisine, exemplifying my willingness to reach across the aisle
• Have met people from at least eleven (11) different countries

Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I have included below a map of my foreign policy experience which details how I'm uniquely qualified to deal and reach out to each of these countries. Click on each marker for more details.


View Larger Map

Now, I realize that, technically, I'm not legally allowed to run for Vice President, since I'm not from the US. But, if Mitt Romney can claim that we need "change from a liberal Washington [...] throw out the big government liberals!", I'm sure the party can come up with something for me. After all, reality has never been an obstacle for the GOP.

Vote McCain/Sporks in 2008!

An alternative Republican ticket for 2008

all links safe for work except on first paragraph.



Since Mr. McCain appears to think that all it will take to sway female voters is a vagina on the ticket, may I suggest an alternative pick for the VP spot: this delicious vagina cake [NSFW] from The Erotic Bakery [NSFW] in Seattle.


The McCain/Cake ticket would offer voters:

• A chance to steal the Democrat's new focus on Western issues, since Ms. Cake is from Washington state
• An in with the traditionally liberal-leaning Pacific Northwest
• An opportunity to reach out to gamers, with whom Cake is already extremely popular
• A chance to tap into the power of internet users, with whom Vagina is even more popular
• Since Ms. Cake has no past to speak of, this allows the McCain campaign to keep its current vetting process in place, giving them the freedom to focus on more important issues, like reminding everyone all the time that McCain was a POW.

Additionally, Ms. Cake offers the following advantages over the current pick:

• No offspring born under bizarre circumstances
• No unwed pregnant Cakelets necessitating shotgun weddings in the national spotlight
• No other familial skeletons in the closet
• No former association with any parties advocating secession
• No past abuses of power or ethics issues
• No prior relationship with lobbyists or disgraced politicians
• No history of courting earmarks
• More domestic and foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin

Sure, Ms. Cake may not know how to field-dress a moose, but I believe the American public would be willing to overlook this shortcoming, even though it's a crucial part of the Vice Presidential duties, because, as Joe Lieberman reminds us, these are no ordinary times. And Vagina Cake is no ordinary VP pick.